This is father's day..a day for all father's and a day where kids can tell their father's their admiration and love. This is the day on which I dreaded most..because this is the day on which I can no longer tell that love to my father. My father died 4 yrs. ago and until this day, I regret that on every father's day, I was not able to tell him my love. All I had done and showed to him is my hate...hate and anger for the neglect he had done to us. I am not a perfect person nor my father is. That I know now. If only I have known yesterday what I know today..I will tell him that I forgive him. Forgive him for the neglect, for the sadness, for the anger and for the hate. I forgive him for not being a father to us..to me..to my siblings...I forgive him for the violence, for the domestic abuse. I am now moving forward...to a future that is unknown..that is very bleak..to a future that I fear..for myself and my family...
They say that things happen for a reason..but today..what is the good thing that happen? Today, I have learned that I fail again..as a sister...I will never forget this day...the day I learned of my youngest sister pregnancy...I cried and cried that almost all the tears had dried on my eyes..I cried because of the disappointment..of the guilt..of the love...I had loved my family more than I love myself...All I did was to give them a good life...an education that was not given to them by my father...but in the end..i have failed. I was betrayed for the second time because of love. Love...it is an elusive word...it is a very big word...I hope that in the end..love is better than ambition...because that is what she did. She set aside her ambition for love...I know that this love will lead her to failure..the guy and my sister are not even ready to have a family..my sister does not even know how to take care of herself..so how can she take care of the growing person on her belly. Am I really that cynic when it comes to love? Did I really failed her? I don't know..all I wanted is for sister to have a good life..a life which is different from our past. Due to neglect, my father was not able to take two of my sisters. They were given up to my aunt in the province to have a good life. But now, history is repeating itself again...if she cannot be able to take care of her kid, she will give her up again. Why is it happening to our family...I am really tired of all the problems..I am tired of being strong...in the end..I have failed.
My sister is a talented artist...but because of neglect..because of her starvation for love...for acceptance and low self-esteem..she is throwing away what she is and what she could be. I hated this feeling of helplessness...that I cannot do anything. I don't know if I will be able to trust again or fall in love after this. Because I don't believe in love anymore..it only gives me pain.
Papa..I am sorry I was not able to forgive you when you are alive..but do forgive me now. Please help us what you haven't done when you are still alive. Help my sisters see the truth and help them forgive you and love themselves. Teach them what you haven't taught them when you are alive. That nobody or no one can really love us but only ourselves.
They say that things happen for a reason..but today..what is the good thing that happen? Today, I have learned that I fail again..as a sister...I will never forget this day...the day I learned of my youngest sister pregnancy...I cried and cried that almost all the tears had dried on my eyes..I cried because of the disappointment..of the guilt..of the love...I had loved my family more than I love myself...All I did was to give them a good life...an education that was not given to them by my father...but in the end..i have failed. I was betrayed for the second time because of love. Love...it is an elusive word...it is a very big word...I hope that in the end..love is better than ambition...because that is what she did. She set aside her ambition for love...I know that this love will lead her to failure..the guy and my sister are not even ready to have a family..my sister does not even know how to take care of herself..so how can she take care of the growing person on her belly. Am I really that cynic when it comes to love? Did I really failed her? I don't know..all I wanted is for sister to have a good life..a life which is different from our past. Due to neglect, my father was not able to take two of my sisters. They were given up to my aunt in the province to have a good life. But now, history is repeating itself again...if she cannot be able to take care of her kid, she will give her up again. Why is it happening to our family...I am really tired of all the problems..I am tired of being strong...in the end..I have failed.
My sister is a talented artist...but because of neglect..because of her starvation for love...for acceptance and low self-esteem..she is throwing away what she is and what she could be. I hated this feeling of helplessness...that I cannot do anything. I don't know if I will be able to trust again or fall in love after this. Because I don't believe in love anymore..it only gives me pain.
Papa..I am sorry I was not able to forgive you when you are alive..but do forgive me now. Please help us what you haven't done when you are still alive. Help my sisters see the truth and help them forgive you and love themselves. Teach them what you haven't taught them when you are alive. That nobody or no one can really love us but only ourselves.
