Another failure and Unfairness of life

Today, another failure had happened to me. I now confirmed my suspicions that I did not pass the interview. It’s really hard accepting reality. I cried a lot and I cannot tell anyone because I am ashamed to tell everyone that I am a loser pretending to be a winner. I am such an idiot. I did not know why I did not passed it…is it because of my voice? Is it because of my English? I really don’t know…whatever it is..it only means one thing..I am not for that company..and what it is for me? US? UK? Australia?

I admit…I’m really jealous of my colleagues success…coz why me? I have done everything...answered all the questions..but they just don't want me, it's just plain and simple as that..whatever it is…I can't do anything about it anymore..

I am ok with rejections..since I was a child..my father rejected my offer of love, after graduation from secondary school, I was rejected by the schools I have applied, only college is the best thing that happened in my life..after college..I was rejected by company I want to work with..I pursue it again, and at the end, they have given me a chance….and now…I was rejected by another company and another company..and I was also rejected by other firms that I applied with…but still..it's not yet the end of the world..I’m tired of fighting my destiny…it's better to accept reality..that even if I cried a thousand tears...I can't do anything…maybe there are others like Andy who gossip people, who is a fraud but still wins..there is me who tries to mentor people..to be the role model of my staff..who treats them equally but loses..there is another colleague who had a good family, a loving, kind and rich boyfriend and there is me who has no love life..as in zero..who does not even had a relationship or not even experienced someone courting me, who had a very lousy life, who had an alcoholic, gambler, smoker, miser and abusive father, a dad who died without even knowing how I feel, a dad I hated all those years and died without knowing that I loved him..even in the end..

A sister who in order to escape an abusive uncle who sexually molested her, married young to escape the truth, an older sister who has obsessive compulsive behavior manifested by control issues since she wants to escape reality due to a sexual molestation she experienced as a child, a youngest sister who wanted to escape reality by clinging to her pride in such a tight way, and a mom who wanted to escape reality and the abused as a wife by pretending that everything is ok and nothing had happened and now me, a 28 yr. old woman who wanted to escape reality by pretending I’m 25 yrs.old, already had an experience with a boyfriend who had loved me once, a web of lies I don’t know if I can get out…

Now who says life is fair….coz now I am a loser still…

In the end..as usual..I will accept this coz it’s better this way..I had already cried and I think..maybe..I was really born a loser and I will die as one..coz even if I dream big..I still lose….