Man's rejection is God's direction

Today, a lot of people in the office are going to apply abroad. If they will be accepted, I will be the only one left in our batch. I don’t want to but I was rejected by that company. Actually, it’s my fault too because I did not pass the exam. If I could only die, I will. I am so stupid but even if I cried a thousand tears, I cannot bring back the lost opportunity. Oh my God, I am having self-pity again. Why me Lord? Why you are always testing me? It was always been the same for me, failures then success. Then, failure and I hope after this, success. I will not lose hope. I will fight back. I will apply to every company there is. I will surrender my life to you. Just help me go to other countries, whatever it is. I’m ok with it God. Does I really need to have rejection to know what I really want to do with my life? In the homily, Man’s rejection is God’s direction…what is mine Lord? What is my direction? Please lead me to my direction. I’m really clueless. I don’t know what to do. I want to become a writer but I don’t know if I can write. I want to be a lawyer but I don’t have the resources/money to pursue it. I only want to invest a home for my family, my future. That is why I want to go to other country. I want to have a new life in a new place. Begin anew. That company is really the answer but sadly, I blew it up. So here I am, back to zero again. Don’t know what to do.

I just want to go to other countries especially US but I’m really depressed right now. I had applied to a lot of firm but no one is contacting me. Please help me…I am imploring you. Just give me a chance. I am already 28 yrs. old. I haven’t invested anything. I don’t have a love life..my career is going down. I will not be promoted next year. I know for a fact that life does not give you everything. Maybe, there are others who have everything, but there are us who had to work hard to make a living. To live with our dreams. To fly with broken wings. I know that what I feel for A is just a fleeting moment of insanity. I did love him but he does not feel the same way. This is a one sided love and I hate it. But I will survive. I had before…with the first man I love..my father…I had hated him for such a long-time that I did not allow myself to fall-in love and have crushes on anyone. And when I let down my guard, boom…A stole my heart…but look at us…just a memory..a good memory and that is what it will remain. Since I now know what is love, I now resigned myself to become a matron, an old lady without a man. So just give me back my dreams…I don’t care if I will be lonely someday…I cannot have everything. Just don’t let me on the dead end..no Love, no Career. I will surely die God.